Today is the first day of November. In just a few weeks, my family will be celebrating my daughter’s birthday. I’ve contemplated all of the many hopes & aspirations I have for her, & how I hope & pray I am raising her to become a knowledgeable, confident, & capable woman.
I like to think of myself as such. Most of my loved ones would agree. However, when I came across this quote, it hit me like a ton of bricks. However knowledgeable, confident, & capable I may be, I have a sickness that a great deal of women I know suffer from. It is a forgetfulness of the self. Denial of the self. Avoidance of the self. At any given moment, I would most certainly rather be caring for someone other than myself. Thus my occupation as a nurse.
I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I’m about to do today.” And whenever the answer has been, “no” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. – Steve Jobs
As I stared at this quote, I realized that no matter what dreams & good intentions I had for my daughter, the example I live in front of her speaks the loudest. I live my life, day after day, taking care of others, often existing in a stress-induced fog by late afternoon. I don’t have a handful of healthy hobbies or activities outside of being “Mom.”
I asked myself how much joy I was getting out of any part of my life. How much of my daily life & activity is something I would choose to do & enjoy? Or is there something that I need to change? And the kicker was this question: Is this the way I would like to see my daughter living her life? Stressed, weighed down by obligations & stress, but not experiencing joy in her life? Depressed? Neglected?
As my daughter’s birthday approaches, my gift to myself (& her) is to reevaluate my life & the example I am living. Is this how a woman, a mother should honor herself? For all that she does for her children & family? God willing, I intend to take more time for me. Work on self-discipline so that I can be healthier & feel better again. I should be energetic, not feeling weighed down & sick in my downtime from carrying around so much toxic stress. I cannot be a better mother until I am better to myself. I want to honestly look in the mirror & say, “Yes.”