“Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.” – Vaclav Havel
I find this quote to be incredibly true. Along with a passage from the Bible that became a cherished source of comfort & strength for me seven years ago today.
“Now Faith is being sure of what we Hope for and certain of what we do not see.” – Hebrews 11:1.
These two quotes completely explain a mentality that I have by the grace of God learned & developed over the past seven years, as the Mother of a Micro-preemie.
Today marks my first-born child’s seventh birthday. 🙂 Seven years and 1 month ago, I was pregnant for the first time. At almost 20 weeks pregnant, I was excited, looking forward to finding out the gender of my baby. Seven years and 1 month ago, my water broke too soon. I was admitted to the hospital where I spent days & nights wondering if the life inside of me would end, what I might have done to cause it, & praying for her to be given a chance to live. My daughter came 4 weeks later, weighing 1 pound 4 ounces. She was so tiny & fragile, but in my eyes, she was absolutely spectacular. Miraculous. Beautiful. A gift from my Creator.
Several times before her birth, I sat in the hospital room, trying to swallow oceans of information, statistics, emotions, & advice from Doctors, faced with the decision to terminate my pregnancy. The specialists did not expect her to live, and should she happen to survive, they predicted she would suffer with multiple lifelong disabilities and face little chance of walking, talking, or living a normal life.
After she was born, we weren’t able to hold her for the first month. She began having seizures, was sedated, and we were again faced with the decision of ending her care (turning off life support). It was that day that God truly tested me; teaching me & proving to me the meaning & power of Faith and Hope.
I had Hope that my Daughter would pull through if it was within God’s plan. That Hope also encompassed the possibility that she would not, & that God would allow me comfort & understanding in His divine plan & reason for her short life. Hope meant that no matter which way the cards fell, that it would make sense & become clear. That was what Hope meant to me.
I was profoundly tested in my declaration of Faith in the Almighty God. In my choices to hang on by my fingernails, over this cliff of uncertainty, as my daughter’s tiny, short life hung in the balance. As I had watched her survive & struggle to live, all at once I realized that nothing really ever hung in the balance. Faith, as I finally understood it, as it concretely unfolded before me, truly was a sense of certainty in that which I could not see. I had blessed assurance that my baby‘s life was not hanging in the balance, but resting securely in the beautiful, perfect, divine plan of the Almighty. There existed not one speck of insecurity or uncertainty in her situation, but that which existed within Me.
I chose to shed it. Toss it. Let it go.
And I have seen miracles every day ever since. ❤